When the
pupil has admitted to his wrongdoing he shall apologize. Prior to
that he should, however, he should demonstrate that he understands
why what he did was wrong and that he understands what the consequences
of his actions were. If this does not happen, any apology will be
bound to sound shallow. An apology without remorse or understanding
why it was wrong, does not really count. Often adults try to make
youngsters understand how wrong they did by pointing out to them
what dangers and negative consequenses they have caused by their
action. This is, however, often to no avail as pupils tend to experience
it as preaching which makes them not want to listen. A better alternative
is to let the pupil think about it and to try to come up himself
with an answer to the question of danger or harm was caused bu his
actions.
If the pupil
finds it difficult to find an answer, the teacher should resist
the tempation to provide the answer. (”Don't you understand
how dangerous it was what you did? Somebody could very well have
died!") It is better to let the pupil find out the answer.
He can, for example, talk with his friends, his parents or even
those who were in danger or suffered because of his actions.
It is suggested
that the pupil be coached to write down his answers on sheet of
paper, as this will make it easier to review and discuss his answer.
More dangers or negaive consequences can be added later as they
come up. In the next step this memo can come handy as the the pupil
will think about how to apologize for his action.
Questions
for the teacher
- How does what you did influence Susy?
- How does what you did influence the relationship between you and
Suzy?
- How does what you did influence the relationship between you and
your parents?
- How does what you did influence the relationship between you and
your classmates?
- How does what you did influence the classroom as a whole?
- How does what you did influence your own reputation?
Example
A girl verbally abused her classmate by calling her ugly in front
of others. The teacher found the victim sobbing in the school hallway.
During the next lesson the teacher brought the issue up. The teacher
took a clear moral stand and said: "Girls and boys, you know
what I think of verbal abuse. I don't accept it, I consider it unfair."
Having said that the teacher asked her pupils to tell her why they
thought verbal bullying is wrong. The dicussion yealded a list of
reasons why verbal bullying is wrong and why nobody should be subjected
to it. Gounds for stopping such behaviour included: 1. it makes
the victim feel bad, 2. it can have a negative effect on the victim's
self esteem, 3. it can lead to a cycly of revenge, 4. it tends to
separate pupils into groups that don't talk with each others, 5.
it ruins the atmosphere of the class, and 6. it creates fear among
the pupils.
