One often hears the claim
that many of the problems of young people, and especially teenagers,
are the result of low self-esteem. These web pages are based on
the concept that many of the problems of our children and adolescents
are not so much caused by poorly developed self-esteem as they are
by a poorly developed sense of responsibility.
Sense of responsibility
is caring about other people and about the enviroment in which we
live. It is taking others into consideration, taking care of the
community, defending those who are weaker, and helping those who
need assistance. While it may be that some children seem to be born
with a strong sense of responsility, the reality is that this is
a long and often arduous learning process. There are many ways of
teaching responsibility to children in their daily life. Those situations,
however, where children have done something unacceptable or something
irresponsible, provide extraordinary opportunties for responsibility
education. Succesful intervention in cases of irresponsible behavior
is an effective means of providing children an opportunity to build
their sense of responsibility.
On these pages you will
learn a step-by-step model for intervening in situations where children
or adolescents have committed irresponsible acts. The intention
of the model is to guide children to take responsibility for their
actions. The underlying assumption is that taking responsibility
builds the child's own sense of responsibility and therefore diminsihes
the likelihood of recurrence of similar acts in the future.
The word wrongdoing refers,
on these pages, to any socially unacceptable or inappropriate act
such as stealing, physical or verbal abuse, harassment, vandalism,
or any other breaking of mutually agreed rules.
Taking responsibility
refers here to a sequenced process which consists of
1 Admitting -the
person agreeing to discuss what has happened and owning up, or admiting
to, what he (he is used throughout the text for both genders) has
done
(2) Understanding - demonstrating that he understands the negative consequences
of his action
(3) Apologizing
- expressing his apology to those concerned
(4) Making up
- accepting that he will carry out a mutually agreed-upon method
of reparation
(5) Promising
- promising not to repeat the behavior and negotiating mutually
agreed upon consequences should this promise be broken, and
(6) Caring for others
too - showing willingness to be proactive in the prevention
of similar infractions among peers.
There is actually nothing
new in these steps of responsibility. This is simply a model to
remind us, in the midst of our busy work, what we already know:
sterotypical punishments dictated by an authority often fail to
stop inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. It also well known
that in some cases conventional punishments appear to have the paradoxical
effect of actually increasing that behavior that it is meant to
prevent. This tends to be the case particularly when the pupil feels
that the dictated punishment is unfair, in which case it may only
serve to promote a spirit of defiance. On the other hand, an intervention
that the pupil experiences as fair, and which is planned together
with people who are important to him, can have a long term positive
effect on his behavior.
The six steps of responsibility
are based on the authors' observations of what behavior on the part
of the offender will convince others that recurrance of the behavior
is not likely. In developing the Six Steps we have been inspired
by many authors who have discussed the psychology of changing unacceptable
behavior. Among them are, notably, American family therapist Cloe
Madanes, who has described her work with families where abuse has
taken place; Allan Jenkins, Australian social worker who has described
his work with domestic violence offenders;
and Wilhelm Glasser, American
psychotherapist who is the founder of "Reality Therapy".
Madanes: Sex, Love, and
Violence; Strategies for Transformation, 256 pages, W.W. Norton
& Company, $25.95)
Jenkins: Invitations to
responsiblity: the Therapeutic Engagement of Men who are Violent
and Abusive, Adelaida, Dulwich Centre Publiatons,1990.